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Autism Resources

What you need to know:

  • Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Autism”) is a neurodevelopmental diagnosis that affects two large areas of children’s lives – 1) social communication & interactions and 2) behavior. Symptoms in these two areas in most cases are present in early childhood, even if it isn’t diagnosed until later. Every child with autism is different and symptoms range from very mild to severe. There is no “cure” for autism and it’s not something that children grow out of, but there are therapies that lead to improvement in symptoms and development in social skills.  
  • Some examples of differences with social communication & interactions could include problems with back-and-forth conversations, problems with speech, difficulties with relationships (either challenges making friends OR being overly friendly/familiar with strangers), avoiding eye contact, or not understanding someone else’s emotions or personal space. Some examples of challenges with behavior could include repetitive actions (ex: lining up toys, flipping things over, hand flapping), inflexible routines (ex: needing the same schedule every day, eating the same exact foods for meals, etc.), very specific interests, sensory-seeking behaviors (ex: hand flapping, intense interest in lights or moving objects), or sensory-avoiding behaviors (ex: Not liking certain textures of objects or food, not liking to be held or hugged, etc.).  
  • Autism is not caused by different types of parenting or any specific exposures, like vaccines – Both of these theories have been proven to be untrue.  
  • Like all kids, every autistic child is totally unique in their own ways. However, it can be helpful to know if a child has autism because they are likely to experience common challenges, and it is helpful to know the best ways to support.  
  • Common strengths of autistic children include ability to notice details, creative thinking, motivated by interests and intense curiosity, highly developed sense of logic and fairness.  
  • No, there is no connection between vaccines and autism. The first signs of autism often show up around the same time children receive their routine vaccinations, which has led to concerns about a connection—but decades of scientific research have confirmed that vaccines do not cause autism. Additionally, we know that vaccines are extremely important in preventing severe and harmful childhood diseases.  

 

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  • If you’re concerned that your child may have autism spectrum disorder, discuss this with your health care team. Make a list of things that you are noticing at home and bring it to the clinic visit. Your provider will probably ask you more questions and may ask you to fill out some forms to get more information about your child’s ways of communicating and behaviors. If you disagree with your doctor, ask them to explain their reasoning for not thinking your child has autism. If you still disagree, you are always entitled to a second opinion.  
  • After you have had a discussion with your child’s healthcare provider, you may want to have your child tested for autism. Testing for autism is very specialized and very few people are trained to do this type of testing. The vast majority of autism evaluations are performed by psychologists at the Regional Center, normally when children are 3 years or older. You can apply for a Regional Center evaluation and specifically say on the application that you are concerned about autism (For more info on applying for the Regional Center, see our “Regional Center” webpage!). 
  • Unmasking – Social interactions (for example, like going to school) can be incredibly taxing for autistic kids because a lot of energy tends to go into “fitting in “. It is sometimes difficult for people who aren’t autistic to realize how stressful and energy-draining these experiences can be. For all autistic individuals, it is important to have time and space to be completely themselves without judgement – this is called unmasking. This means that autistic kids should be encouraged to figure out what makes them happy, what their specific interests are and how to pursue them, and not worry about hiding their behaviors that let the world know they are autistic.  
  • Allow Stimming – “Stimming” or to “stim”, shortened from self-stimulatory behavior, is a way of describing common behaviors of many autistic individuals. Some examples include humming, flapping hands, spinning, cupping ears, or listening to music. Stimming creates a sensory experience that can be helpful for decreasing anxiety, increasing focus, and managing sensory overload (the stimming helps block our other types of sensory input). If stimming isn’t hurting the child or anyone else, we encourage caregivers to allow children to participate in their stimming behaviors.  
  • Mental Health – Autistic children are more likely to develop anxiety and depression than children without autism. If you are worried that your child is frequently stressed, sad, or doesn’t have the energy to do the things then normally like to do, talk to your child’s healthcare provider or school and request that they start seeing a therapist.  
  • Positive and Supportive Parenting – Having supportive caregivers is important for any child, but it is especially important for autistic kids who are at risk of being misunderstood and made to feel “wrong”. There is nothing wrong with your child, the problem is that the world that we live in can be very difficult to exist in for autistic individuals. Our vision of the world is that every child is accepted for exactly how they are, but in the meantime autistic kids need their caregivers to offer frequent love, support, and encouragement. Tell your child they are perfect the way they are. Notice and tell them when you see that they are trying hard or when they do a good job. Pay attention to what they are interested in and what makes them happy and encourage them to do more of whatever that is.  
  • Getting enough sleep – We know that getting good sleep can be particularly difficult for autistic kids, but we also know that getting good sleep is especially important for autistic kids to recover from the day they just had and prepare them for the upcoming day. Being rested helps autistic kids cope with the daily stressors of life and better “bounce back” when things get hard. You may notice that, with enough high-quality sleep, your child is better able to focus, is less irritable, and has fewer or less intense tantrums or meltdowns. One of the most important ways to support your child getting enough sleep is to set up a nightly bedtime routine, even on the weekends. Some important tips for improving sleep are 1) Increasing physical activity during the daytime, 2) Avoiding caffeinated drinks after midday, 3) Put away all electronics ~1 hours before bedtime, 4) Make sure bedroom of quiet, dark, and a comfortable temperature. Sometimes, even after following all these recommendations, autistic kids struggle to fall and stay asleep. If this is the case, talk with your child’s healthcare provider about other things that might help, like Melatonin. Our general rule for using Melatonin is to start with a very small dose and increasing only to the dose that is helpful for sleep.  
  • Building Community & Friendships – Even if social interactions look different for autistic kids, having community and friends is important for feeling connected and building a network of support and learning for kids. Help your child find communities that accept them for who they are and where they can be themselves. Sometimes it can be helpful to search for social groups or clubs centered around activities that your child likes, or settings/groups that specifically say they support neurodiverse or autistic kids.  
  • Develop problem solving skills – Living in a world that was generally built by non-autistic people can be frustrating and aggravating (sometimes infuriating!) if you are autistic. Because of this, it is extremely important for autistic kids to be able to solve problems and frustrations when they show up in their lives. Easier said than done! Being able to solve problems is a complex skill, and we recommend approaching it in steps. The first step involves identifying that there is a problem (For example, what are the first signs that your child is getting upset? Can your child learn to identify these early signs?). Next, children need to be able to identify the problem (Why am I feeling like this? What exactly is the problem?). Brainstorming solutions comes next, then trying out a solution. Finally, it’s important review how things went (Did the solution work? Would I do anything differently next time?). It’s okay to focus on each of these steps individually – it may take multiple months to be able to figure out your child’s early signs that something in their environment is troubling them, and for them to identify these signs in themselves.  
  • Since every autistic child is different, there isn’t a cookie-cutter approach to treatment. Below are some examples of commonly used types of therapies and treatments for autistic children: 
  • Speech therapy  
  • Occupational therapy – Can help with sensory processing, everyday life skills, and fine motor skills  
  • Feeding therapy – Can help when kids have very restricted diets and problems eating most foods (like gagging) 
  • Analytical Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy  
  • Mental health services – therapy and/or psychiatry 
  • Social skills groups/classes  
  • Medications – Can be helpful when kids have significant aggression, impulsivity, agitation, or if diagnosed with another condition like ADHD, anxiety, or depression 
  • ABA is a type of behavioral therapy that is one of the most commonly used types of treatments for autism. It isn’t the only type of behavioral therapies for kids with autism, but it is the one that is most available here in California. In the SHARK clinic, we typically suggest ABA therapy when children with moderate to severe autism are having communication or behavioral challenges that are preventing them from participating in social settings (like home or school), building positive relationships. We also tend to refer kids to ABA therapy when they have significantly challenging behaviors like aggression or unawareness of personal safety so they can build more awareness and better learn how to stay safe and keep others safe.  
  • ABA therapy has the goal of reinforcing positive behaviors while decreasing harmful and inappropriate behaviors through tactics like positive reinforcement and developing communication and social skills.  
  • ABA therapy is generally a big time-commitment – Typical therapy schedules are 4-5 days a week for a couple hours a day. Most of the time ABA therapists come to a family’s house, but sometimes therapists can also attend school with a child.  
  • If you think that your child could benefit from ABA, talk to your child’s medical provider about putting in a referral for ABA. The exact steps differ slightly based on different insurance types, but the most common process is that, after the insurance company approves the therapy referral, they (the insurance company) will provide families with a list of approved ABA therapy providers. After this, it is the family’s responsibility to call the providers on the list to get their child on waitlists to be evaluated for therapy. We recommend casting a wide net and calling multiple, if not all, the providers on the list so that you can find the therapy providers with the shortest waitlists. Even the shortest waitlists are several months long since there is an overall shortage of ABA providers, and it is very common that the process of setting up ABA can take 3-6 months.  
  • Like every type of therapy, some therapists may be a better fit for your child than others. If you feel like your child does not have a good relationship with their ABA therapist, it’s okay to request a change in therapist.  
  • It is sometimes helpful to think of ABA therapy as helping your child with “emotional regulation” because most challenging behaviors for autistic kids comes from not being able to cope with a strong emotional reaction to a situation or event. You can also ask your child’s therapist to help create routines or troubleshoot particularly difficult activities or times in the day (for example, dinnertime or getting ready to leave the house) 
  • ABA therapy is controversial, and there are convincing arguments on both sides. In our experience, ABA can be helpful for autistic children and, but the goal of therapy should never be about trying to make a child “seem less autistic”. The goal of therapy should be helping your child engage with the world and people around them in comfortable and satisfying ways and should be centered about your child and your goals for therapy.  
  • Before starting ABA therapy, we recommend making an “ABA Checklist” to share with your therapist. Here is a template: [create downloadable document] 

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Domestic Violence

Para Los Niños Organization

A program geared to help and support victims and families that have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence. DVSS strives to provide a safe space and services to help empower survivors of domestic violence.

Employment Services

Find help here:

taxes + Get Tax Credits

What you need to know:

  • Filing your taxes, even if you don’t have any income, allows you to receive tax credits, which means more money in your pocket that you can use to cover any need. This is money that belongs to you and your family. Tax credits are either “refundable” meaning the government sends you a check or “non-refundable” meaning you pay less taxes, and it is likely you may be eligible for both types.

  • Many families do not claim all of the tax credits that they are eligible for, leaving money on the table. Research shows that having extra cash from tax credits improves baby’s weight when they are born, helps pay for health- related needs like food and electricity, improves mental health for parents, and just improves overall parents health. Tax credits are great because they let YOU choose what is important, and what you need to buy to improve your and your child’s health.

  • California’s Young Child Tax Credit (YCTC) -$1,117 per eligible household with income less than $31,000 and a child under 6 years old. If you have no income this year you might still be eligible

  • Child Tax Credit: Up to $2000 per eligible household with a child under 17 years old. Use the IRS Interactive Tax Assistant to see if you qualify.

  • The IRS Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) program can help you file your taxes for free (if your household makes less than $67,000/year), meaning you get to keep your whole refund! Find a VITA site near you here:https://www.ftb.ca.gov/help/free-tax-help/VITA_Locator/

  • IRS Free File allows you to file online with the IRS directly if your income is less than $79,000/year. (link available January 2025)

  • If you want to take part in a SHARK research study on tax filing, and get a free online tax filing service meant to help low-income parents get the most back on their tax returns, click here. You can earn up to $90 for participating in this study, in addition to your tax refund. [LINK]

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Regional Center

What you need to know:

  • Regional Centers provider services and support to children with developmental delays or disabilities. For children under the age of 3, they can provide early intervention therapies like speech therapy (ST), occupational therapy (OT), physical therapy (PT), and child development services. After the age of 3, children who qualify for Regional Center services can receive family support services (for example, respite care) and individual training (for example, social skills classes or job training) that can be coordinated through the client’s “Consumer Services Coordinator”. 
  • Qualifying for Regional Center Serivces depends on a child’s age and if they have a disability.  
  • Early Start Program (Before the age of 3) – Any child who is at risk of having developmental disabilities or any child who has a 25% delay in one or more developmental areas can qualify for Regional Center services.  
  • Provisional Eligibility (Ages 3 and 4) – Children who have significant challenges in at least two of the following areas of life: Self-care, receptive and expressive language, learning, mobility, self-direction. Children do not have to have been diagnosed with a disability to qualify for services.  
  • Lanterman Eligibility (3 years of age and up) – Children with a disability who meet “Lanterman Criteria” qualify for services throughout the course of their lifetime. “Lanterman Criteria” means that a child has a substantial disability that started in childhood and is expected to last for their whole life. Types of disabilities include: cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism, intellectual disability, and other conditions closely related to intellectual disability. “Substantial” means that children with the listed disabilities must also have challenges in at least three of the following areas of living: communication skills (receptive and expressive language), learning abilities, self-care, mobility, self-direction, independent living skills, and economic self-sufficiency. 
    1. Find your local Regional Center – Regional Center Lookup : CA Department of Developmental Services 
    1. Go to your local Regional Center website and find the Apply for Services page. You can submit the application online or print a PDF and either return it to the Regional Center office in-person, email, or fax it.  
    1. TIPS:  
    1. You can ask your child’s doctor for a letter explaining the reason why they think your child might qualify for services or needs testing. You can include this letter in your child’s application.  
    1. Stay organized. We recommend starting a folder with contact information, dates that documents were submitted, and copies of documentation. Any time you speak with someone from the Regional Center, write down their name and contact info, the date, a summary of the conversation, and any follow-up steps. Here is an example: [***example]  
  • If your child’s Regional Center application is denied, you have 30 days to submit an appeal to this decision. Since 30 days is not a lot of time, we recommend you immediately reach back out to the Regional Center to ask about next steps to appeal. You may also want to provide additional documentation from you child’s doctor, therapist, teachers, or special education department to be included in your appeal application.  
  • At age three, the school system becomes responsible for providing children with the majority of the developmental therapies such at speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy (See our webpage about school support!). For kids 3 and up, the Regional Center can provide family support (like respite care) and individual trainings/programs (for example, social skills classes or vocational training programs for teens and young adults completing high school). The Regional Center can also assess the individual needs of the family to determine if there are additional services not funded by the school district or health insurance and can help provide these. 
  • Different Regional Centers offer different services/programs. If your child is a Regional Center client (“consumer”), it can sometimes be helpful to ask specifically about the following programs: 
  • Parenting classes or support groups 
  • Peer support groups for specific disability  
  • Social Skills classes 
  • Recreational programs (Camps, summer programs, sports/exercise, social groups, etc.) 
  • Adaptive Skills Training (Cooking, managing money, etc.) 
  • Interpreter/translation services 
  • Note: Regional Centers are the “Payer of Last Resort” and are required by law to provide services in the most cost-effective way, this means they will work with you to find ways to pay for services through supports like your school district, health insurance, or other available public benefit program, before the Regional Center can fund services. 
  • Make sure you bring you regional center folder to the meeting or have it available if the meeting takes place over the phone.  
  • Take a couple minutes ahead of time to jot down questions for your child’s Regional Center coordinator. These can be very specific questions (For example, do we have a date for when my child’s autism testing will happen?) or can be meant to learn more about what services are available for your child (For example, Are there any afterschool programs that my son would be eligible for and that could support his disability?) 
  • Update your child’s Regional Center coordinator about how they are doing in general and what they are struggling with. This helps the coordinator get to know your child and allows them to better help your child and your family.  For example, if a coordinator knows that your child is struggling with making friends, they may let you know if a new social kills group opens up and is taking participants.  

 

Links:

RC Flowsheet on webpage

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Special Education - IEP

  • An IEP is a plan made by a child’s school to support them when they need extra help or therapies. It is a formal plan that involves specialized instruction, supportive services and measurable goals. The plan is created collaboratively by educators, parents, and other professionals, and it is reviewed and updated regularly to ensure the student’s progress. 

    Public schools must create an IEP for each child who receives special education services, according to the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). The law guarantees a free appropriate public education to eligible children with disabilities. 

  •  

An IEP can include specialized and personalized instructions including: 

  1. Customized support: The IEP outlines specific accommodations and modifications that can help your child succeed, such as extended time on tests, assistive technology, or alternative teaching methods.  
  1. Clear Educational Goals: The plan sets measurable, achievable goals for your child’s learning, helping to track progress and focus on areas where they need improvement.  
  1. Access to Supportive Services: The IEP ensures that your child can receive specialized services including speech/language therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. 
  1. Collaboration with Educators: The IEP fosters collaboration between parents, teachers, and school staff working together toward your child’s success.  
  1. Legal Protections: Under federal law, an IEP provides your child with the right to a free appropriate public education (FAPE). 

Submit a formal written request to the IEP coordinator or school principal. Be specific about your concerns! Include any documentation (for example, your child’s regional center evaluation, if they have one) that may support your child’s needs and include the date. Keep track of when you turn in your letter requesting an IEP because the school is required to make a plan for the IEP assessment within 30 days . You may need to follow up on this request. 

[timeline table] 

Discuss with your pediatrician for advice and specific recommendations. Pediatricians can help advocate for the needs of your child, including a letter of support in certain cases, though the plan will ultimately be at the discretion of the school. 

[downloadable template letter] 

When parents don’t agree with the services outlined in the IEP, they have the right to ask for mediation, a process in which a neutral third party brings the school and parents together to work out a resolution. Parents can also file a due process complaint with the school system. The complaint triggers a resolution process between parents and IEP team members. If that fails, the case is brought before a hearing officer who will resolve the dispute.  

Keep in mind, you can always request am “emergency IEP meeting” if needed, or to make revisions to the IEP throughout the year.  

IEPs and 504 Plans: A Guide for Parents – HealthyChildren.org 

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School Age Programming

  • An IEP is a plan made by a child’s school to support them when they need extra help or therapies. It is a formal plan that involves specialized instruction, supportive services and measurable goals. The plan is created collaboratively by educators, parents, and other professionals, and it is reviewed and updated regularly to ensure the student’s progress. 

    Public schools must create an IEP for each child who receives special education services, according to the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). The law guarantees a free appropriate public education to eligible children with disabilities. 

  •  

An IEP can include specialized and personalized instructions including: 

  1. Customized support: The IEP outlines specific accommodations and modifications that can help your child succeed, such as extended time on tests, assistive technology, or alternative teaching methods.  
  1. Clear Educational Goals: The plan sets measurable, achievable goals for your child’s learning, helping to track progress and focus on areas where they need improvement.  
  1. Access to Supportive Services: The IEP ensures that your child can receive specialized services including speech/language therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. 
  1. Collaboration with Educators: The IEP fosters collaboration between parents, teachers, and school staff working together toward your child’s success.  
  1. Legal Protections: Under federal law, an IEP provides your child with the right to a free appropriate public education (FAPE). 

Submit a formal written request to the IEP coordinator or school principal. Be specific about your concerns! Include any documentation (for example, your child’s regional center evaluation, if they have one) that may support your child’s needs and include the date. Keep track of when you turn in your letter requesting an IEP because the school is required to make a plan for the IEP assessment within 30 days . You may need to follow up on this request. 

[timeline table] 

Discuss with your pediatrician for advice and specific recommendations. Pediatricians can help advocate for the needs of your child, including a letter of support in certain cases, though the plan will ultimately be at the discretion of the school. 

[downloadable template letter] 

When parents don’t agree with the services outlined in the IEP, they have the right to ask for mediation, a process in which a neutral third party brings the school and parents together to work out a resolution. Parents can also file a due process complaint with the school system. The complaint triggers a resolution process between parents and IEP team members. If that fails, the case is brought before a hearing officer who will resolve the dispute.  

Keep in mind, you can always request am “emergency IEP meeting” if needed, or to make revisions to the IEP throughout the year.  

IEPs and 504 Plans: A Guide for Parents – HealthyChildren.org 

Mental Health

What you need to know:

    • Autism Spectrum Disorder (or Autism”) is a neurodevelopmental diagnosis that affects two large areas of children’s lives – 1) social communication & interactions and 2) behavior. Symptoms in these two areas in most cases are present in early childhood, even if it isn’t diagnosed until later. Every child with autism is different and symptoms range from very mild to severe. There is no “cure” for autism and it’s not something that children grow out of, but there are therapies that lead to improvement in symptoms and development in social skills.  
    • Some examples of differences with social communication & interactions could include problems with back-and-forth conversations, problems with speech, difficulties with relationships (either challenges making friends OR being overly friendly/familiar with strangers), avoiding eye contact, or not understanding someone else’s emotions or personal space. Some examples of challenges with behavior could include repetitive actions (ex: lining up toys, flipping things over, hand flapping), inflexible routines (ex: needing the same schedule every day, eating the same exact foods for meals, etc.), very specific interests, sensory-seeking behaviors (ex: hand flapping, intense interest in lights or moving objects), or sensory-avoiding behaviors (ex: Not liking certain textures of objects or food, not liking to be held or hugged, etc.).  
    • Autism is not caused by different types of parenting or any specific exposures, like vaccines – Both of these theories have been proven to be untrue.  
    • Like all kids, every autistic child is totally unique in their own ways. However, it can be helpful to know if a child has autism because they are likely to experience common challenges, and it is helpful to know the best ways to support.  
    • Common strengths of autistic children include ability to notice details, creative thinking, motivated by interests and intense curiosity, highly developed sense of logic and fairness.  

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*DHS Resource List – Children 

Brightlife Kids 

Personalized support for California families. Kids ages 0–12 get free, expert coaching for sleep issues, worry, social skills, and more. Live, 1:1 video sessions, secure chat, on-demand content, and more. 

Soluna App  

Soluna is a free mental health service for 13 – 25 year olds in California. Chat confidentially with 1:1 coaches or explore tools 

Smiling Mind 

Smiling Mind was created by psychologists and educators, and offers free meditations and programs for sleep and stress. It offers activities not only for kids and teens, but adults and families. There is also a program created specifically for use in the classroom.  

GoNoodle    

GoNoodle is used in 4 out of 5 public elementary schools in the U.S. It has activities designed for mental health, like mindfulness and deep breathing. But also contains a variety of yoga, dancing, and exercise videos that will get your child or students up and moving, which is key for mental health!  

Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame (Apple, Google Play) 

This Sesame Street app has entertaining activities that teach children breathing exercises, self-control strategies, and planning. It’s perfect for elementary school teachers or parents of young children! Breathe, Think, Do is available on the Apple Store and Google Play.  

Clear Fear  

If you have a student or child that is struggling with anxiety, ClearFear is a great app to help them learn coping mechanisms. It uses CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques to calm the body and mind. It’s recommended for kids and teens ages 11 to 19, but the younger children can easily participate in the activities with support from an adult.  

eQuoo (Apple, Google Play) 

This app is a fun and exciting adventure game developed by psychologists. It was approved by Mental Health America and helps kids ages 12+ build relationship skills, reduce anxiety, and foster emotional health. 

Parenting & Coping with Challenging Behaviors at Home

What You Need To Know:

      • Be aware of the situation: Consider and manage environmental and emotional factors — hunger, fatigue, anxiety or distractions can all make it much more difficult for children to rein in their behavior. · Adjust the environment: When it’s homework time, for instance, remove distractions like video screens and toys, provide a snack, establish an organized place for kids to work, and make sure to schedule some breaks — attention isn’t infinite. 
      • Make expectations clear: You’ll get better cooperation if both you and your child are clear on what’s expected. Sit down with them and present the information verbally. Even if they “should” know what is expected, clarifying expectations at the outset of a task helps head off misunderstandings down the line.  
      • Provide countdowns for transitions: Whenever possible, prepare children for an upcoming transition. Let them know when there are, say, 10 minutes remaining before they must come to dinner or start their homework. Then, remind them when there are 2 minutes left. Just as important as issuing the countdown is actually making the transition at the stated time. 
      • Let kids have a choice: As kids grow up, it’s important they have a say in their own scheduling. Giving a structured choice — “Do you want to take a shower after dinner or before?” — can help them feel empowered and encourage them to become more self-regulating. 

Kids understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors best when there is a clear and consistent consequence related to their actions. Not all consequences are created equal. As a parent having a strong understanding of how to intelligently and consistently use consequences can make all the difference. 

Consequences to AVOID: 

  • Giving negative attention: Children value attention from the important adults in their life so much that any attention — positive or negative — is better than none. Negative attention, such as raising your voice or spanking, actually increases bad behavior over time. Also, responding to behaviors with criticism or yelling adversely affects children’s self-esteem. 
  • Delayed consequences: The most effective consequences are immediate. Every moment that passes after a behavior, your child is less likely to link her behavior to the consequence. It becomes punishing for the sake of punishing, and it’s much less likely to actually change the behavior. 
  • Disproportionate consequences: Parents understandably get very frustrated. At times, they may be so frustrated that they overreact. A huge consequence can be demoralizing for children and they may give up even trying to behave. 
  • Positive consequences: When a child dawdles instead of putting on his shoes or picking up his blocks and, in frustration, you do it for him, you’re increasing the likelihood that he will dawdle again next time. 

EFFECTIVE Consequences: 

Consequences that are more effective begin with generous attention to the behaviors you want to encourage.  

  • Positive attention for positive behaviors: Giving your child positive reinforcement for being good helps maintain the ongoing good behavior. Positive attention enhances the quality of the relationship, improves self-esteem, and feels good for everyone involved. Positive attention to brave behavior can also help attenuate anxiety, and help kids become more receptive to instructions and limit-setting. 
  • Ignoring actively: This should used ONLY with minor misbehaviors — NOT aggression and NOT very destructive behavior. Active ignoring involves the deliberate withdrawal of attention when a child starts to misbehave — as you ignore, you wait for positive behavior to resume. You want to give positive attention as soon as the desired behavior starts. By withholding your attention until you get positive behavior you are teaching your child what behavior gets you to engage. 
  • Reward menus: Rewards are a tangible way to give children positive feedback for desired behaviors. A reward is something a child earns, an acknowledgement that they are doing something that’s difficult for them. Rewards are most effective as motivators when the child can choose from a variety of things: extra time on the iPad, a special treat, etc. This offers the child agency and reduces the possibility of a reward losing its appeal over time. Rewards should be linked to specific behaviors and always delivered consistently. 
  • Time-outs: Time-outs are one of the most effective consequences parents can use but also one of the hardest to do correctly. Here’s a quick guide to effective time out strategies. 
  • Be clear: Establish which behaviors will result in time-outs. When a child exhibits that behavior, make sure the corresponding time-out is relatively brief and immediately follows a negative behavior. 
  • Be consistent: Randomly administering time-outs when you’re feeling frustrated undermines the system and makes it harder for the child to connect behaviors with consequences. 
  • Set rules and follow them: During a time-out, there should be no talking to the child until you are ending the time out. A time-out should end only once the child has been calm and quiet briefly so they learn to associate the end of a time-out with this desired behavior. 

Need more help with your child’s bad behavior?

Talk to your provider about signing up for Triple P classes offered by the SHARK Clinic. 

Triple P is designed to be with parents on every step of their journey, providing help and guidance to families when they need it. It aims to create supportive family environments, and to prevent, as well as treat, behavioral and emotional problems in children and teenagers. 

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Trauma

What you need to know:

  • Trauma is a stressful thing that happens that makes a person feel unsafe. Trauma can happen as an isolated event (for example, a car accident), or something that happens over time (for example, a child witnessing repeated violence in their home). Depending on what type of trauma happened and somebody’s reaction to it, the effect of trauma (or “traumatic stress”) can be called different things – For example, “Acute stress response”, “chronic stress response”, or “PTSD”. Experiencing trauma can also lead to other challenges, like problems focusing, learning problems, anxiety, depression, and behavior problems like defiance and tantrums. We also know that experiencing trauma as a child can lead to higher rates of medical problems as an adult, like lung problems and heart disease. This is because exposure to trauma, especially over the long-term or repeated events, increases stress hormones in the body, which leads to inflammation and can harm the body over time. 
  • Trauma can come in may forms. Here is a list of some examples:  
  • Physical, sexual, or psychological abuse and neglect (including trafficking) 
  • Natural disasters 
  • Family or community violence 
  • Terrorism, mass violence, and school shootings 
  • Discrimination, prejudice, and racism 
  • Loss of a loved one 
  • Substance use disorder (personal or familial) 
  • Traumatic separation (including as part of an immigration journey or incarceration) 
  • Refugee and war experiences  
  • Serious accidents or life-threatening illness 
  • Military family-related stressors (e.g., deployment, parental loss or injury) 
  • Difficulty sleeping and nightmares  
  • Refusing to go to school  
  • Lack of appetite  
  • Bed-wetting or other behaviors they used to do when they were younger 
  • Problems with developmental milestones  
  • Anger or aggression (fights at school or with siblings) 
  • Problems paying attention to teachers at school and to parents at home  
  • Avoiding scary situations  
  • Withdrawal from friends or activities  
  • Nervousness or jumpiness  
  • Intrusive memories of what happened  
  • Play that includes recreating the event 
  • If your child is showing signs of traumatic stress for more than a couple weeks, it is important to allow them to process the trauma with a mental health professional, like a therapist or a school counselor. Talking about the trauma with family can also be helpful, but it’s important that children be able to process what happened with someone outside of the family without the pressure or expectation to act or behave in a certain way.  
  • Things you can do at home that we know help with traumatic stress include: 
  • Offer frequent reassurance. Remind your child that they are safe and the reasons WHY. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t worry, you are safe.” you could say “You are safe because dad is here with you making sure everything is okay, we’ve locked all the doors, and our apartment is full of people who look after each other.” 
  • Continue to tell you child they are not responsible. Thinking that something is your fault can add a huge amount of stress to an already stressful event.  
  • Make time to play with your child in ways that they decide. Children often express themselves and work through fears through play and this is an important part of recovery.  
  • Maintain routine. Having a daily routine that a child can rely on for home and school is important because experiencing a trauma oftentimes feels like a loss of control.  
  • Be patient! Recovering from traumatic stress takes time and there is no specific timeframe. Pushing kids to “get over it” or pressuring them to recovery more quickly than they are ready to, can add to the stress and prevent healing.
  • Sometimes kids who have experienced a lot of trauma can struggle more long-term with the effects, like mental health or behavior problems. The good news is that we know that kids can heal from trauma and also build resilience, which protects them from traumatic stress in the future. The ways to heal from and prevent the effects of trauma are shown below in the “Stress Busters” graphic. Each of the categories listed is backed up by research showing it is an effective way to treat trauma. It is important to know that the single most important way to heal from and prevent the effects of trauma is having a supportive, loving adult who cares about a child’s wellbeing and can help them get the support they need. 

 

[Stress Busters Graphic] 

 

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